Music

Last night was my last in the studio putting the final touches onto the EP which just a few weeks ago felt impossible. It has been an experience for sure!

Truth be told at the beginning of this year I didn’t know what this EP was going to be. It still feels like the other day that I damaged my voice and was told I might have to have surgery. When that happened it hit me so much harder than I could explain to anyone because I didn’t think I was going to be able to do music again – not how I wanted. When my voice came back and the opportunity to be a part of the Saffron Records Artist Development programme came up, I went for it. But then.., my old friend The Fear appeared.

What if I didn’t know how to write anymore? What if all my lyrics were vapid and meaningless? Maybe I’m just ok at harmonies but I can’t write hooks? Why did I take this on? I’m such an idiot…and around we go. Once I’d geared up enough to fall into pure panic mode, I called my mum at the brink of a breakdown (such a lucky woman she is). She calmed me down, booked a train to come see me and we developed the very first tingling of my brain ideas together. That was the beginning of the EP and since then those ideas have blossomed and developed, not just through the incredibly talented musicians in the band (without who this EP would be a shell) but through my everyday experiences.

The music video day was a huge turning point for me. Seeing all those Queens in Ashton Court Mansion taking up space dressed to the nines in African print brought joy to my heart gave me the confidence I needed to bring out Blackbird. I was scared, absolutely terrified because honesty doesn’t always go down well, so I am so SO thankful to everyone who has messaged me support. Every time I read a comment from someone who’s engaged in my music I save it in a folder for the times when The Fear comes knocking.

Looking back at the pictures from that day I decided what my EP was going to be called. After a month of having no idea, one day it became clear. Between Blackbird, this journey, having my Queens around me and seeing the much-needed conversation around the black female experience being had openly so we’re all able to support each other I kept thinking…look at us flying. Raising above others low expections and unhelpful narratives, taking control of our lives and reaching for our dreams. We Fly.

So that’s the name and this month (coincidentally Black History Month) I’m going to be spotlighting all the people behind Blackbird, the EP and this journey with a snippet of each track from We Fly landing every Friday until… THE LAUNCH!!! November 1st, come and celebrate with me. I’ll be playing all the tracks from We Fly for the first time following an interview and Q&A with myself. There will, of COURSE, be sets from your favourite Booty Bass DJs throughout also.

£5 tickets are available via Headfirst NOW so please do share the event with your friends, families, cats and dogs – let’s do this Bristol style 😁

I’ve been putting off writing this for a month because I’d hoped there would be a way around this disappointing outcome. As many of you know, I put everything into my music. It is a true reflection of myself, my values and my hopes. Due to this, I have a very strong image in my mind of how I want these ideas and messages to be presented and work incredibly hard to make sure the outcomes are authentic and delivered with integrity.

The music video I’d planned has been in mind for years. I wanted it to be a space where black women could be seen and represented in spaces we rarely see ourselves in. I put a shout out for a videographer who understood this message and could work with me to bring that idea to life.

The person who approached me did so with all the understanding and promise in the world. I explained the budget was not large but the vision was and that the message behind the music and the video was the need for black women’s voices to be heard and respected. That I wanted others to see themselves in the video.

I was told I could have all the changes I wanted, the vision was understood as was the importance of the music. They loved the song and just wanted to be a part of the project. So convincing was their enthusiasm that we continued without a contract working, as I tend to, on good faith. What a huge mistake.

The day of the shoot there were red flags everywhere. Despite me providing the storyboard, list of timings and a shot list, nothing had been looked at. Throughout the day his demeanor was awful – loudly telling everyone how wonderful he was and that no one else was working as hard as him. The whole day felt like a power struggle and it took every part of me to try and cancel out his awful vibe through humor.

When it came to receiving the first edit, I replied saying it was beautiful but I had some edits. Suddenly the whole story changed. No, he wouldn’t do any more edits. How dare I be so ungrateful. Pay him his money now. If I’m a videographer show him my work. I’m a joke… In the end, I had to block him. Now, a month later, despite saying he’d send over the footage once he’d been paid he says he’s deleted it all. I can only assume out of spite. I’ve never known someone to act in such an unprofessional manner.

I’ve spent all month feeling ashamed and sick to my stomach for letting down all of the amazing women who donated their time to be in our music video. There was a part of me that thought I should have pandered to his ego but that would go against everything that this song stands for. The whole point of the song and the message behind it was to make black women feel seen and empowered. To have this person attempt to control my narrative only shows how important it is for these songs to be written. It was such a beautiful day with beautiful women which is what I want to remember about the day, but equally damaging behavior such as this has to be called out.

My integrity means everything to me and I would have none if I let this bully silence me. If you value your time and money, I would warn against working with Magnus Magugu of Tab Media. Never have I worked with someone so unprofessional and incapable of collaboration. Of course, after the fact, I start receiving messages from various people telling me how difficult he is to work with. So this is also a plea that if you know someone in the industry who is a headache to work with and potentially untrustworthy – let people know!!! I wish someone had so I hadn’t wasted my time and budget.

However, laziness and disrespect will not overshadow the release which I’m so so proud of. I’m looking into a few different options to try and salvage what’s been done and create a video this song deserves. Thank you to everyone who came to be a part of it, you all look beautiful and I’m so sorry I put my trust in the wrong person. I won’t make this mistake again and please for anyone in the industry, make sure if you’re handing over your work to someone else you really know who that person is and have a contract in place to protect you and your art because I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

NB: if you see anything on Magnus Magugu’s social media’s regarding this song and project, please know that it is posted without my permission.

It’s happened. Blackbird is officially in the world!

Premiered on Bristol 24/7 yesterday! As they said, this is a step away from all the booty shaking frivolous fun that some only know me for. It’s been important for me show the different sides of myself through music. I love partying, I love dancing and laughing but there’s more to me as an artist – and a person than that. There’s so much more going on in the world than hedonistic wonders.

I feel like we’re in the midst of change in so many ways. Everything is uncertain but for now we are able to talk about race, equality, feminism and respect in a mainstream way that was unheard of just a couple of years ago. Since Black Lives Matter, Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race, Grenfell, being silent on race in this country when you have a platform to speak is no longer accepted in the way it used to be.

I don’t think all music has to be political. Sometimes it can’t be because we need to switch off from this anxiety ridden society where fear and distrust is being fed to us sandwiched between sex and booze. But I do think that music is about more than romantic love. 

There are bigger things to think and talk about. Bigger questions that need to be asked internally and externally. More people willing to say ‘no, that’s not right’ and stand with those who are marginalised and ignored until a box needs ticking. 

Blackbird was written for black women and is a culmination of conversations and frustrations that have built up over time. It’s almost 9 minutes long and it is a journey that I’d like everyone who’s interested in the conversation to take with me. It won’t be for everyone – musically and lyrically – and that’s ok. I wrote this for my confused,  angry, lost younger selves over the years and we’ve said everything we needed to say. I’m looking forward to hearing what others think and if it sparks even a couple of conversations or encourages a few deeper thoughts, I’ll be happy.

Thank you to everyone who helped this happen:
Saffron Records
Coach House Studio
Community Resolve
Hen Wilkinson
Tom Hackwell
Laura Noir
Desmond Rogers
Tony Samuels

I haven’t felt so proud of anything for a while. This song truly reflects where I’ve been and where I’ve got to now. Thank you to everyone whos listened, shared and supported me along the way 🖤🖤🖤